His Blessings On Me

I’m home schooled. Yes, yes….I know. I’ve heard all the immediate responses.

“Oh, awesome! So, like…you really don’t have to do schoolwork, huh?”

“How exactly does that work? I mean, do you actually…learn…anything?”

My personal favorite: “So…your mom’s like…your teacher?”

Yeah, I’m home schooled. Or was, I’m kinda graduated now. Anyway, I’ve always been. Like, for real. Always. I was like, -3 when I started school. Or four. Maybe it was four. I’m home schooled, numbers aren’t my thing.

Being as I’ve always been home schooled, I was so used to the awkward responses people give you. One time, for instance, I was in Walmart on a week day. An older, nosey lady whom I had never in my life seen or met approached me and asked, “Why aren’t you in school.”

Without skipping a beat, I said “Oh, they sent me home early, on account’a I have lice.” Then scratched my head, smiled, and walked away.

So obviously, that part didn’t bother me much.

I loved being home schooled. Honestly, I did. I was given the opportunity every year to join public school, and I considered it, every year, and every year I decided, again, to stay with home school.

When I started high school, however, the decision was a lot harder.

I had to think about a lot of things. High school is a big deal. Academically and socially. High school is the “highlight” of many peoples lives. I love people, I love friends, I love sports (not playing, but watching) and would have enjoyed band, choir, drama club, FFA, 4H….basically, I would have enjoyed public high school. I wanted, very desperately, to join. I wanted to get dressed up in the morning and have somewhere to go. I wanted to not do school work in my kitchen, in my PJs, with my mom coming in and out cleaning and cooking. I wanted what every other fifteen year old had.

So, I prayed.

I prayed really, really hard. “Lord, if you want me to go to public high school, to shine a light, to be a beacon, to be a Godly influence for your sake, to make a stand, to befriend those poor heathen kids and influence them for Your good…I will….

….But….if you want me to stay in home school, that’s what I’ll do.”

(do note that I was really pushing one particular side of that prayer)

God didn’t speak to me in a booming voice. He didn’t write on the wall. He didn’t split the sky.

I just felt like I was supposed to stay in home schooling.

Now, if you know me, and you know how I am…you know that if I really want something, I’m going to do everything I can to make it happen.

So the fact that I felt to stay with home schooling…was a pretty big deal.

So, I told my parents what I’d decided. I think they were relieved, though they didn’t say so.

Ever since then, I’ve been scared. Call it lack of faith, I’ll admit that it was. But I had this nagging fear, that until recently I never admitted…to anyone, that I was going to be stupid. That I was going to miss something really important, and never get where I wanted to go in life.

I made straight As all through high school, but…I was home schooled. In my mind, every time I got a paper back and had gotten an A, I’d think..”Yeah, but if I was in public school, it probably wouldn’t have gotten an A.”

It effected the way I did everything. It was a mentality that I let myself get in. It wasn’t a inferiority complex, but it effected me much like one would.

I thought I was stupid.

I honestly thought I was stupid. Those of you who know me, are probably laughing right now. I didn’t act like I thought I was stupid, but I really did.

Then, toward the end of last year, I went through some personal stuff. Just…a low point. A spiritual shaking. Not just one thing, but it seemed like a lot of things just went…really wrong. I didn’t feel safe anywhere. My faith was being shaken, and I was really needing something to remind me that I wasn’t alone in this world. I needed something to remind me that He cared about me. I’m not getting off the point, I’m building up.

( And none of this is meant to be dramatic. I’m not throwing a pity party. I’m just leading up to a bigger story.)

Then, a lot of good things happened at once. I was offered a really, really good job. A part-time job where I can get off for just about any church meeting I want. I work with really good people, in a good environment.

The catch: I had to get my GED.

Uh-oh.

Guess what I did? I prayed, again.

I prayed that He’d tell me what I should do. But He didn’t. He was silent, as it often seems that God is.

So then I prayed: “Lord, if you want me to take this job, I’m going to need your help. I can’t do this by myself. You know I can’t…”

Then, I felt to read the story of Peter…when he walked on the water. An ultimate story of faith.

I read it, and I went to pray again. This time, I prayed, “Lord, I’m stepping out of the boat. I’m taking a risk. I’m putting myself out there. I’m not telling you to let me walk on the water, I’m just begging you to not let me drown. If I can’t walk on water, help me back into the boat.”

So, I stepped out on faith. I called and set up testing at the Adult Education center. They told me to come in Monday, and do some pre-testing to see if I needed assistance in any subjects. Greeeattt…but I went.

On the way to the testing center that morning, my stomach was in knots.

But I went. I went, and I tested. And when they checked the tests that I finished, my instructor, a wonderful lady named Delia, came and told me that she was speechless.

I’m thinking, “that bad?”

My test scores were impressively good. Not me…I didn’t do it. He did it. But they were really good.

Thank God.

The next day, as I was driving back to the test center, to take the next round of placement tests and such, I started listening to some tapes that Nikki gave me forever ago. It was a speaker talking about how he had been home schooled, and when he got older, the Lord blessed the stands he chose to make in his life.

He said something that I couldn’t shake:

(paraphrasing)

“Home schoolers are always so scared when they graduate because they are terrified that when they get out in the world, they’re not going to ‘fit in’. Let me tell you something, this world cannot survive another generation of Christian young people who ‘fit in’.”

Whhheeewww…

Let’s just say, my step going into that testing center had an extra bounce to it that morning.

The Lord was with me all week that week. My scores were very, very good. My instructors were tickled with my tests. Some of them were even questioning me about home schooling, and asked if I would suggest it.

I met with a lady about college classes (yes, college classes) and she was talking financial aid, grants, loans, scholarships, etc. She was mid-sentence, stopped, looked up at me, and said “Your momma’s a good lady.” I asked her what she meant by that, and she said “You would not be who you are today if you hadn’t been home schooled. Your momma and daddy did a good job. I want you to tell them I said so.”

That night, I was sitting in my room reading, and I kept thinking about everything that was happening.

It hit me.

God was blessing my obedience.

God…was….He was blessing me for obeying His gentle nudge to stay in home school.

When I made that decision, I made the right one.

Whew….

And…I….I wasn’t stupid.

Talk about a life changing realization.

And not only that, but the social part. The social part of high school that I thought I’d be missing when I decided not to join public school, yeah, this was when it hit me that I didn’t really miss anything. God blessed me with some of the best friends in the world. I have “high school” friends. Granted, we didn’t sit next to each other in Science lab or join cheer leading together, but my best friends and I have memories and inside jokes. We’ve had sleepovers and late night hear-to-hearts. When something major happens (daily) I have a whole list of girls I can call. I didn’t miss any of that.

I took my GED, and I passed it with flying colors. I’ve since taken my ACT, and scored better than I could have hoped (though I did cry after the math section). I’m working. I’m actually really enjoying working, by the way. I’ve been accepted for a $1,000 scholarship, and I’m in the process of signing up for college classes for this fall semester.

Can I get an “Oh, my, gosh.”?

I’m not even 18 yet.

God has blessed me more than I deserve, and His blessings are continually flowing. I don’t deserve it….

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