The Definition of Me.
To all the aged ladies who say to my fellow youth and I, “Oh, what I’d give to be your age again,”: I am sorry, I do not understand.
To all the ‘grown ups’ who say, “Enjoy these years while you have them, they’re the best ones of your life,”: I hope you are wrong.
Please, do not get me wrong. I love being young with what freedom I am blessed with, and I appreciate the blessing of my health. I am sure I will miss both of those someday. Also, I am not saying I do not have a good life. I am just praying this isn’t the best it gets.
Take out the good things in life, like health, freedom…life as a teenager/ young lady is very confusing and harder than I expected it to be. Decisions face me every day that I did not see coming the day before. These are decisions that could change my life. I am feeling the pressure, you know?
And I am not alone. Thank goodness. I talk to so many of my friends who feel the same confusion that I feel. I just have to stop and ask myself sometimes if this is really how it is supposed to be. It is ‘natural’, I know. But, is there a better way, perhaps?
I just feel like I might be stuck on the longest, bumpiest roller coaster ever, and I no longer love these ups and downs. I am just ready to get off, stretch my legs, and regain my balance.
Too much to ask for?
But, 1 Corinthians 14:33 (KJV) says that “God is not the author of confusion, but of peace…”.
My hope is that God is writing my life, because I make such a mess of everything I touch. So, if He’s writing my life- if He’s in control- my life should not be ruled by confusion.
Now I have to ask myself where the kink is in my line of thought, because something obviously is not going right. My life should not be what it is, because Christ does not desire it to be so.
Where to lay the blame? Christ, or me?
We all know the answer to this one.
If my life is ruled by confusion, overtaken by perplexity, then it’s not being led by the Author of Peace.
Quite simple.
So what is leading my life?
Emotions. Desires. Dreams. Responsibilities. Past experiences. Sadly, the list goes on.
I am handing my life over to anything or anyone that will take it, except the One that should, and wants to, and is waiting so patiently for me to see Him.
Lord, forgive me. I have been so wrong.
I wonder why I keep getting let down by people and things. It’s absolutely no wonder. People are human. Things are things. They weren’t meant to define me.
He is standing right there, and I am just ignoring Him. He wants to wrap His arms around me and embrace me in love, and I keep shoving Him away and wrapping my arms around empty, insignificant things and expecting them to love me back.
I am breaking His heart just like they keep breaking mine.
I am never going to have peace in my life until I can be completely at peace knowing that Christ loves me, and I love Him, and nothing can or will change that.
Once I am defined completely by that, what will I have to worry about?
Nothing is too big for my God. If He’s in control of my life, I’ll be able to hold up my head through all storms of life and say, “The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1KJV)
Wow! I’m impressed and fully believe if you hold on to this then these years will just be the years you learned from and not the high point. Girl your in the Body of Christ and striving for that high calling so the years just get better! Mine sure have! My teens were the hardest as well in fact up until I was 20 I never thought I would make it out alive, but God kept his hand on me and here I am today! My all time favorite saying is “let go and let GOD!” He is the master creator why do we think he can’t handle our lives:)
Sounds to me like your His girl! Stand strong and Hold on! Love ya! -Ashley “Andrews Sister” (LOL)
Absolutely beautiful. Excellent blog. Great words of encouragement for the young, not so young & the VERY not young.
Wow Trit
I love the part “I’m breaking his heart just like their breaking mine.” your so right. 
Thanks for sharing your beautiful thoughts Tristan. I would not take any thing for my journey. I have been so blessed on my darkest days to know Jesus and his have His word to hide in my heart. Hold on to the Lord, He will see you through all of the trials of life. You are so special to Jesus and His creation. To God be the glory.
This is just how I feel sometimes, but I’m older and it’s getting better but I’m just not there; not where I should be. I’m glad you wrote this.
I love your thoughts Trit,hold on 2 God when u feel like giving up,don’t live 4 anyone but God, he is a friend that is closer than a brother,your beautful and a great person.Oh yeah,never let a guy bring u down,please pick the best & don’t settle 4 less,
“He is standing right there, and I am just ignoring Him. He wants to wrap His arms around me and embrace me in love, and I keep shoving Him away and wrapping my arms around empty, insignificant things and expecting them to love me back.”
Def my fav clip.
Very good thoughts, bravo.
I’d say you’re right on point with this one. Good to see you writing again, I hope this doesn’t remain an annual event.
Tristan, this is Amazing!!! I feel the same way, I’ve been struggling with a lot of the same things. I know The Body of Christ is something special, not everyone can have this. The things of the world are so easy to get anyone can have them, but I still have trouble letting God lead and guide me. Having friends who are going through some of the same struggles really Helps!
Just want to say “Thank you” for helping see some of my own questions that I could never grip. Please hold on… I know things will get better for ya.
Oh Tristan,
I am one of those aged ladies who says to you – Oh, what I’d give to be your age again! And I am one of those grown-ups who says – Enjoy these years while you have them, they’re the best ones of your life. I apologize to you. We aged ladies and grown-ups should not be so shallow. My age tells me things though that haven’t come into your life yet. Here is one… Tristan is very insightful and longs to do for the Lord. What? Only you can figure that out. Here is another… When I was hurting and longing for peace and a way to make peace with God, I read a poem that gave me strength to keep on. I might never have read that poem if I had not met you. I will “no more” forget it.
I am so thankful that you look deep inside and share those insights sometimes.
Be brave,
Mary Jo